Starting Over

So I sort of fell off the blogging bandwagon for the past week.  I’m not going to lie, I haven’t been in the best of places.  I don’t want this to be a ‘poor me’ or a ‘complaint’ post, but I’ve been trying to put on a happy face for about three months, and its getting kind of tiring.   I figure, its time to clear the air.

In early May I went back to Chicago to see Mr. K.  We had a great start to the weekend, but I was super stressed about things in California, and was torn between wanting to be in Chicago and wanting/needing to be in California for school and my new life there.  We had had some rocky times throughout our entire relationship, and they were weighing down on me – something I didn’t realize until I suddenly found myself ending the relationship.  The next week or so was a whirlwind, I don’t really know what happened, but then I found myself feeling ‘freed’ of this feeling that I had to be 100% in two places cross country at once.

I knew then, that the breakup was a good thing.  But what I didn’t realize was how much of my life had been invested in our relationship and the toll it would take on me not having the person who had become my best friend there for me all the time.  As such, the past few months have taken a toll, and though I’ve tried to be okay and put on a happy face, this past week everything kind of caught up to me.  I’ve never felt so alone in my life.

I’m working on it, by reaching out to my cohort members and the friends I’ve made here, by trying to get involved in other activities in California, but its hard.  Its hard starting over.  And even though I moved here almost a year ago, it feels like I just moved here last week when I got back from my Midwest vacation. I’m trying to stay positive, and one of the things I have been good about is working out this past week (which is a good things – triathlon in 19 days!), but it hasn’t been easy: sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed.

Though I’ve been down in the dumps, I have been trying to not let it fully consume me…I’ve been cooking a lot, and trying to hang out with my friends..  Including Friday night’s meal: Apple Risotto + Salad and the boardwalk concert feature Average White Band.

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What do you do when you’re down in the dumps to get back on track?


13 thoughts on “Starting Over

  1. Sending hugs to you because I know how you feel. I promise it will get easier and you will want to get out of bed. Go do what you love, cook, try wine, run, find fantastic new gluten and dairy free things. And you know your blogs friends are always here for you!

  2. Really sorry to hear that it’s been a rough couple months, but it sounds like you’re doing all the right things to find a new California normal. Take good care!

  3. You know I’m always here for you. Although, I wish a little bit closer of a drive. Let’s make plans 🙂 Maybe we should just do a little girls time, when Tyler is in China? We can cook delicious food and climb rocks and show the world how awesome we are! ❤

  4. I understand that feeling all too well. Since moving to the mid-west I was diagnosed with clinical depression after spending countless afternoons in the bathroom down the hall from the lab crying. Its hard, having to start over, but as women, we are resilient. Life is a circle. You hit the low point and then you start truckin’ your way back to the top of the circle. My mom always says that the low points in our lives help us appreciate the good times all that much more. I hope you start to find some comfort. Feel free to email me if you ever need to vent or talk. 🙂

    • sometimes we just need a little kick int he butt/inspiration — you definitely have inspired me plenty of times, so i’m glad i could return the favor!

  5. I’m sorry to read that you’ve been having a difficult couple of months. Break ups – even when they are the right thing for us – are always hard and create emotional turmoil. I wish that there were words of wisdom that I could give you aside from the tried, true, and trite: time heals.

  6. I hope you feel better lady! When I’m down in the dumps, I run… and I get pedicures. Both of those seem to help a bit. But what really helps the most is time. Focus on you for a while, and it will start to get better, I promise!

  7. Hugs! Been there! It’s difficult to feel so alone when this happens. Sounds like you’re on the right track with making new friends and moving on. Feel better!

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