So I sort of fell off the blogging bandwagon for the past week. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t been in the best of places. I don’t want this to be a ‘poor me’ or a ‘complaint’ post, but I’ve been trying to put on a happy face for about three months, and its getting kind of tiring. I figure, its time to clear the air.
In early May I went back to Chicago to see Mr. K. We had a great start to the weekend, but I was super stressed about things in California, and was torn between wanting to be in Chicago and wanting/needing to be in California for school and my new life there. We had had some rocky times throughout our entire relationship, and they were weighing down on me – something I didn’t realize until I suddenly found myself ending the relationship. The next week or so was a whirlwind, I don’t really know what happened, but then I found myself feeling ‘freed’ of this feeling that I had to be 100% in two places cross country at once.
I knew then, that the breakup was a good thing. But what I didn’t realize was how much of my life had been invested in our relationship and the toll it would take on me not having the person who had become my best friend there for me all the time. As such, the past few months have taken a toll, and though I’ve tried to be okay and put on a happy face, this past week everything kind of caught up to me. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.
I’m working on it, by reaching out to my cohort members and the friends I’ve made here, by trying to get involved in other activities in California, but its hard. Its hard starting over. And even though I moved here almost a year ago, it feels like I just moved here last week when I got back from my Midwest vacation. I’m trying to stay positive, and one of the things I have been good about is working out this past week (which is a good things – triathlon in 19 days!), but it hasn’t been easy: sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed.
Though I’ve been down in the dumps, I have been trying to not let it fully consume me…I’ve been cooking a lot, and trying to hang out with my friends.. Including Friday night’s meal: Apple Risotto + Salad and the boardwalk concert feature Average White Band.
What do you do when you’re down in the dumps to get back on track?